I ain't deserved to be a scholar.

Today is the 1st day of school after coming back from the 2weeks semester break.The home sick feeling is still in the heightened state and I even didn't feel like waking up this morning.Everything is still normal,everyone is still having the same lifestyle, and me,still the same,going to the library upon reaching school in the morning as well as after school in the afternoon.This has become a habit for me,it's all because of the xx bus system.It forces us to get up early and catch the bus or else will end up being trapped in the traffic jam.It becomes worst as the area around my hostel has the worst traffic every peak hour.So,it's inevitable that I have to get up at 5smthg this morning and for every weekday.

This morning,in the library,I was doing nothing but trying to finish up the math homework that was given before holiday.It's my fault as i didn't have the mood to do any homework during the holiday.The sweet home is like having a power that enable me to forget about homework,college,stress....etc.Oh ya,I'm now in the library too,writing this journal.Ok,there are lotsa crapping already.They almost made me forgetting about the aim of writing this post.

I just wanna express the thought that has running in my mind for the whole day throughout lessons.I feel like I'm not deserved to be a scholar.My living style,my will to work hard,my speed of doing things,studying style....etc.They are all s***.Sometimes,I'll ask myself about the reason that allowed me to receive this scholarship.I know I'm not good enough to be a scholar.I can see the people around me working very hard to strive for their best.Some of them even study 24-7(it's a bit exaggerate=D).Why cant i put some more effort.Just a little more will go!!

I got back 4 out of 5 midyear papers today.I'm not so satisfied with the results."C",how can a scholar get a "C" grade?Gone,gone,they are all gone.A20 is gone for that subject,and it's an important subject.I have done badly for 3tests/exam consequently.The marks from these 3tests/exam contribute to the report card.It will affect lots for my uni application as I'm going to use this results to apply for uni and get conditional offers from them.By the way, I wouldnt be so upset if it happens on another subject.However,I should have predicted the results based on my own performance.Last minute work doesnt work!!!This bad habit still comes along with me since primary school.The only thing I can say is---hard work will benefit those who are not so intelligent and it'll make those who are already intelligent to be better.I have seen lotsa cases in my current surrounding.Dont doubt it,it's true!!!

Anyway,I shall consider myself as lucky for successfully to secure a scholarship.It's so true.The people around me are so.....(blank)and I don't even own a characteristic that will make me looks like a scholar.Perhaps the only characteristic is the seriousness as perceived by others that are not so close with me.

Ok,it's enough of crapping today.Another sudden ending journal.