Sorry

Finally,i finished the last paper...went through the hell-like and torturing week,days,hours,moments...Again,slept for 90mins only today.slept at 3something,woke up at 5am.The bus system damn worst.It coerced us to wake up so early to catch up with the bus schedule even we have exam at 11.30am.Sleep deprivation everyday.Consequence:lower health level...
7th nov,i wanted to write something out,but,i didnt..The condition was quite terrible,swollen eyes,couldnt concentrate on revision,trying 2hide the feeling from revealing to others...It was very difficult to do so.It was so hard to control 'it' from flowing out.It is a natural phenomenon,everyone will do that unconsciously.Yet,i was doing in the opposite way,trying to oppose it.I didnt want it to be revealed.I didnt want my mood become an influence on others as well.Nevertheless,i couldt manage to control it at the moment mom and dad called.Initially,i just wanted to tell mom about my results,but,i lost the self control after hearing ur voice.I indeedly wanted to go back,especially at that particular moment.U asked me not to bother about it,u asked me concentrate on the coming exam first...However,it is easier to say than realizing it.Then,dad called as well.Again,"it" fell down unconsciously.In the sobbing voice,i was trying to stop it.Sorry,mom dad,i didnt want to make u all worrying about me,but,that day was really down.Perhaps,i have controlled myself from expressing it out in the school,i have tried hard to pretend that i was in an ok mood;but,in the other side deeply in the heart,it was totally distinct from what have been expressed out.Sorry,truly sorry,i didnt do my best that day,i wasted the chance given...Now,need to retake by own payment.I didnt want to burden u all,but i knew u guys have promised to "sponsor" me for the retaking(it maybe an unfair treatment for other siblings).Nvm,i will find my way out when the moment reaches.One thing i should appreciate is,there was no one in the unit while the incident happened,except Z,she saw it,but she didnt understand our conversation.She is so nice as she didnt tell other hsmts,she did the right decision for not to troubling others by my thing(trivial thing).Thanks to kuan that asked me not to keep the mood as u accidentally heard parents' conversation...Drawbacks:The pillow got wet that day,swollen eyes,didnt do any revision,slept for the whole day....
p/s:however,i found that it is a good way of reducing sadness,but it may be better if no ppl were around,then no one will get influence by my mood...
Today,just finished last paper.The first time did math until so frustrated.The first time unsure about so many ques.The first time calculator brought trouble in exam....Yet,i think this is just the starting,there same situation will be happened more than once in the future.Haiz,starting from now...from now onwards...a stronger version of nyw will occur.It will be stronger than nyw before,which was an incredible and the strongest girl in secondary school...Everyone has perceived me as a strong lady,a very strong lady,a lady that will never collapse..yet,every person has their weaknesses.I just didnt show the weaker part in school as i was holding some pose that didnt allow me to be weak or appear to be weak.However,i have indeed relaxed myself after moving to the tertiary stage of life..I didnt want 2 appear as a strong,strict,unapproachable person anymore...It benefits me.I dont need to be the best in every situation.But,from today onwards,a new version will appear.No tear is allowed.No collapse is allow.Yet,this version wont back to the same as secondary stage,it will be slightly weaker than that period,but stronger in some aspects...This will be the evidence and reference in the future.Ahhh...but,let myself enjoy to the fullest before the evolution..Enjoy to the craziest stage....